On Demand - Day 15
Day 15 | All Good, No Complaints
Imagine a world where for just a day, no one was complaining. Do you think it would be quieter? Would it affect certain areas of your life? Would it lead to a momentary hush in our own constant chatter? The looming question arises: Why does this toxic habit hold such a tempting allure? Truly for some, we could call it a drug of choice. Could you give it up for our final week?
Complaining as a habit can take root and be hard to shake. If we zoom out, we see its potential for mean-spiritedness, passive aggression, gossip, defensiveness, self-righteousness, and snark. Ultimately, chronic complaining devalues who we are and limits our capacity. Left unchecked, it can affect our entire outlook on life, our health and our relationships.
The subtlety of complaining can be slippery. It can become a bonding ritual – a pattern we develop as a way of connecting with others. It will don a mask of vulnerability while avoiding addressing true hurts or desires for connection. At times, it can morph into a perceived humble brag — expressing discontent while seemingly living a privileged life.
Complaining serves as a means to offload tension or unprocessed hurt. I recall a relationship where I desperately wanted to complain about my day and was aware of the tendency. So instead, I just said, ‘I’m not going to complain. I’m just going to state the events of what happened today.’ I felt a heightened tone of frustration, just so much underneath my desire to complain when really, I needed a place to be vulnerable. Eventually I reached the golden mantra: this is not happening to me, this is happening for me. ✨
It's crucial to clarify that discussing trauma is not complaining; on the contrary, it's immensely important. If you've experienced trauma, seeking guidance from a trained professional is vital. This challenge is not intended to silence or suppress your feelings; it's designed to do the opposite. As defense instincts gradually recede, our goal is to nurture the emergence of vulnerability and gratitude, creating a space for healing for all.
LEADING BY EXAMPLE
While it's tempting to think of people around us who complain (and important to cultivate boundaries), let's turn the focus inward, considering how we can lead by example. 😊 As it relates to our yoga practice, complaining manifests as mental fluctuations to which we've grown attached, and the grasp can be tight, y’all. In our toolbox, we explore three mindfulness practices to support us along this One-Week Challenge to Give Up Complaining!
ACTION
Give up complaining for these next seven days. As a note: some people opt to put a rubber band on their wrist and flick it when they complain. In the spirit of ahimsa, I am going to offer up a few other tools. ; )
3 TOOLS
Mindful Meditation: When the urge to complain arises, take a super deep breath, hold it for a beat, and exhale slowly. Be with the sensations in your body, continuing with several deep breaths.
The Gratitude Shift: Establish a daily gratitude ritual. This could involve keeping a journal, practicing a gratitude meditation, or creating a Gratitude Circle with friends where you each email 10 things you're grateful for each day. Journal about how you can reframe common complaints through the lens of gratitude.
Practice Acceptance: If you find yourself consistently complaining about the same thing, explore ways to cultivate acceptance. Consider energetic, mental, spiritual, or physical shifts that could lead you there. What changes can you make to approach the situation differently?
READ
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz - an excellent bedside table read.
RECIPES
Acceptance is the Answer
“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some face of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.”
– From the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 417